The Dying Art of Common Sense

As I walked into the gas station, I saw a young man peering at the instructions on the pump with a blank expression as he repeatedly poked the same button. Each jab at the panel produced a loud beep, but no actual gasoline. Finally he gave up and headed into the station with a look of frustrated dejection. The attendant inside repeated the instructions, which sounded pretty basic to me: “Press the credit button; insert your card; and then enter your billing zip code.” Yet after hearing the instructions (twice) the customer went back outside and still couldn’t gas up his Honda. As the attendant headed outside to help the clueless customer, I heard him mutter under his breath, “I coulda sworn they told me when I was a kid that reading is FUNdamental…” After about three seconds, the attendant was coming back into the store shaking his head. He looked at me and said, “You should write something about that: the dying art of common sense.” Okay, Abdullah. Here you go.

I laughed off the comment at first, but the phrase stuck in my head the rest of the day. The eloquence of it belied a more glaring truth: common sense really is a dying art. We’ve become a society that needs a warning on coffee cups that the contents may be hot. I certainly hope the contents are hot--that’s kind of what I’m paying for.

My favorite warning was on a box containing a new toaster. In three languages it warned that the toaster inside was not intended for use in or under water. Which is a shame, since I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in the midst of a bath and had a sudden craving for some fresh, crisp toast.

I think part of the decline in common sense is the increase in lawsuits. Corporations became afraid of finding themselves on the receiving end of class action lawsuits, so they began catering to the consumer public as if they were dealing with especially dim-witted five-year olds. There’s a difference between warning someone about an unknown danger, and pointing out what should be common damn sense. As a result, we’ve lost our ability to think for ourselves.

The only way to save the dying art of common sense is to think for ourselves. Consider the consequences of your actions, and respond accordingly. Take the time to read the instructions fully before deciding you’re smarter than the engineers and professionals that designed whatever IKEA piece of crap you’re putting together. And for crying out loud, use your turn signal—we’re not mind readers.

New "Ask Uncle Trey Pound" questions!

Dear Uncle Trey Pound:

My good friend has a habit that is none-too-endearing. She has the habit of, while talking to someone, pulling out her phone and sending or responding to texts. I get that some things can’t wait, but I’m getting really tired of talking to the top of her head all the time. How can I remind her that I’m standing right in front of her?

Signed,

Put On Hold

Dear On-Hold:

Increases in technology (as well as our dependence on it) mean that more and more people are showing an appalling lack of manners when it comes to social interactions. While it seems impossible to change how everyone with a cell phone behaves, you can at least offer your friend some clues that she’s being rude. Chances are she’s not even aware of how her actions are coming across. I’d suggest a casual approach: when she whips out her phone to check her texts, try sending her a text that reads, “top of ur head is nice, but id rather c ur face.” That should get her attention… at least until the next text comes through on her phone.

Dear Uncle Trey Pound:

A friend of mine recently came out to his parents. Unfortunately they didn’t react quite as well as he’d have liked. They basically cut him off and refuse to speak to him or even say his name. While he’s glad to no longer be “living a lie,” he’s heart-broken that two of the most important people in his life won’t speak to him. I’m trying to be a supportive friend, but I have no idea of what to tell him. A little help here, Uncle Trey Pound?

Signed,

Straight Ally

Dear Ally:

Tell your friend that there’s good news: he’s already done the hard part by coming out. That first baby-step out of the closet can be the most difficult one to take. So he should be proud of himself for being honest with himself and with the world. As for your friend’s parents, try looking at things from their point of view for a moment. Even if they had some clue as to your boy’s true orientation, they still have to deal with a hard truth. They no longer have the luxury of ignorance and denial. Now that they know their idea of their little boy isn’t an accurate one, they have to sort of mourn it. They’re going to have to let go of their preconceived ideas of who their son will be and what his life will look like. And the hard truth is that they may never get to that point. There may never come a time when they embrace their son openly and without reservation. But tell him not to let that stop him. While it might be hard to believe, there’s a whole world out there waiting to accept him for who he is. And you’re being a good friend to him. Good luck to the both of you.

Trey Pound Looks at Life

A friend once asked me about my luck. I kid about having bad luck, but the truth is, I’m one fortunate sum’bitch. I’ve never had any life-threatening illnesses that couldn’t be managed; I’ve managed to avoid major jail-time/sentences; I have a large network of friends and family that love me for me. All in all, life is pretty freaking good. And I think that’s in no small part due to the way I look at life. I’ve always believed that we get back what we put out into the universe. Not in a “karma” kinda way, this is a little different. Whatever Higher Power you believe in—God, Vishnu, She-ra—wants you to be happy. As such, your Higher Power stands ready to give you what you desire. So if you go into the world expecting to find misery and sorrow at every turn, guess what you’re going to encounter. However, if you approach life with an attitude of gratitude and consider yourself blessed and highly favored, then the blessings you expect will come your way. I’m not getting all hippy-dippy or Bible-thumpy here, I’m just stating my opinion. If you expect to go out and find misery, you’ll find it; if you go out expecting to find joy and happiness, you’ll find that, too. So be careful what you go looking for, because you might just get it.

And now, a Very Special "Ask Uncle Trey Pound..."

Mom always told me my mouth would get me in trouble one day. I figured I'd wind up getting my ass handed to me in a drunken bar fight with a Marine, but it was Twitter.com that was my undoing. One night killing time at work, I logged onto Twitter.com for some snarky commentary with my fellow tweeters. I posted some (pretty rude) comments about a large client of my employer...which said client later noticed and brought to the attention of my boss--who had no choice but to fire me. Looking back, it's clear that it's a mess entirely of my own making. I screwed up, and I got fired. Having said that, I should also mention: it really sucks. It doesn't just suck because of the sudden unemployment, either. Now, whenever someone asks me why I left my job, I have to give them an answer that involves me looking stupid. No matter how cleverly I may try to phrase it, what most people hear is "I'm a moron with poor judgement who shot his mouth off." And by "most people," I mean "potential new employers." With the stink of this embarrassment following me like a bad fart, I had to go back out into the job market after losing a job I loved. I should mention, this is an indictment of neither Twitter.com nor my former employer. I still use Twitter.com (though I have upped my privacty settings), and I still have great friends at my former place of employment. Leave it to me to ruin my dream job by being too outgoing. A few positives have come out this, however. I've learned how supportive my friends can be--I've never gotten more emails containing links to job openings. More importantly, I've learned the age-old lesson to watch my mouth. We live in an age where everyone has the ability to (essentially) self-publish. And I made the rookie mistake of not considering who might stumble across my rude comments. But I would be Uncle Trey Pound if I didn't use my embarrassment to benefit others. So consider the consequences of your words in general, online specifically. As a woman much wiser than me once said, "Never underestimate the power of the internet." Yours, Uncle Trey Pound

Call A-waiting

Dear Uncle Trey Pound: After going on a date and giving a guy my number, how long should I wait for him to call me before giving up on him? Signed, Call A-waiting Dear Call: The answer is painfully simple: you shouldn't wait for him at all. Anyone who can't find five minutes in the course of his day to call you and say, "Hey I just wanted to say hi." doesn't deserve your patience. Get on with the business of living your life, continue to meet people and go out. That way you're not sitting by the phone waiting for someone who may never get his act together. Good luck!

Seeking Employee "Benefits"

Dear Uncle Trey Pound: I've been having a flirtation with a good-looking coworker. Things have been getting more and more flirtatious, and it seems like something might be inevitable. We're both single, so it wouldn't be infringing on anyone's relationship. A friend of mine says there's nothing wrong with consenting adults "getting to know each other better." What do you think Uncle Trey Pound? Signed, Seeking Employee "Benefits" Dear Benefits: No, no, no. I've said it before, and apparently I'm going to have to say it again: do NOT poop where you eat. And screwing around with your coworker, no matter how dreamy he may be, definitely counts as pooping where you eat. There are few ways that this can have a happy ending: if one of you hurts the other one, every day when you clock in you've got a reminder of what a fool you made of yourself; those you work with might start to wonder just what you did to deserve that last raise. And let's not even think about all the ways it could bite you on the butt if you're misinterpreting his attention. He could just be one of those really friendly guys that relates to others in a flirtatious fashion. Making a move on him could be a good way to get a sexual harassment complaint filed against you. Either way, you're asking for trouble. And if you keep asking for it, eventually you're going to get it.

To all my new readers...

I just noticed something extraordinary, and I felt so humble that I had to respond. I maintain a fan page for my advice column (Ask Uncle Trey Pound) on facebook. It's a way to stay connected with readers and friends of mine. But just now when I glanced at the list of fans, I noticed something odd... of the 365 "fans" I don't know a good portion of them. That's important since I've been counting on my friends to fill the ranks of my "fans." When I realized that quite a few of the fans are complete strangers to me, I understood that my writing has extended beyond my little circle of friends. Some were friends of friends, but others were seemingly random-ass people that just stumbled upon my fan page. Something in my writing connected with them enough for them to follow the page and keep up with updates. That, frankly, justifies my decision to refer to myself as a "writer." A guy with a lot to say, but no one to say it to, is just a guy with a lot to say. But a guy with a lot to say and someone to speak to--someone to communicate with-- is a writer. I am a writer, and I thank you for making me one.

I'm a Celebrity!

I got a pleasant little surprise this afternoon while working on the front desk. A guest came down looking for some toothpaste, and when I handed it to him, he gave me a funny look. A little while later when he came down again to check out, I was busy on the phone. He heard me say my name and gave me another funny look. As he approached the counter, he goes, "Are you the Trey that writes the column?" I was so startled that I gave him a momentary blank look before responding, "As a matter of fact I am." I guess I've become so accustomed to keeping the two parts of my life separate that I'm always a little surprised when there's some overlap. Now that I think about it, he didn't mention liking/disliking the column so I'm not sure just how flattered I should be. I'm going to choose to see it as a compliment that he recognized me at all. Either way it made my day. I love being a pseudo-semi-sorta-kinda-celebrity in a small town!

Random thought for the day

Just got a question for next month's column about a guy who's tempted to cheat. He went on and on, extolling the virtues of his hot new prospect compared to his current girlfriend. After giving it some thought, I've come up with the thought "don't let the green grass fool you--there's just as much manure over there." To put it in Frat Boy English: for every hot girl out there, there's a guy who's sick of banging her. To find out exactly how I responded, look for the new column on the Ask Uncle Trey Pound fanpage on Facebook in a couple of weeks.

Pick any direction, as long as it's forward.

I've been talking lately about taking my writing (namely my advice column) to the "next level" but so far it's amounted to just that: talk. The past few weeks, I've been hanging out at Barnes & Nobles alot--stalking the shelves that feature guides to writing and getting published. My friend Kristen (who writes for Greenville's Daily Reflector) suggested I check out a book called The Writers' Market, but the $30 price tag had me flinching. Since I was able to get my check early today, I decided to splurge and buy the damn thing. The price still made me slightly queasy, but I'm considering it an investment in my future. I'm going to use the resources in what Kristen called her "bible" to advance my fledgling career as a columnist.

While I love working for G-Vegas Magazine, it's been an unpaid position for almost two years now, and it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon. So, it's time for me to shit or get off the proverbial pot. I'm not sure if finding a paying gig means I'm "shitting" or "getting off the pot," but I do know that this burning desire to write isn't going to fade. In fact, the time I've spent with G-Vegas has only confirmed to me that this is what I was meant to do.

Tomorrow afternoon, Su, Morgan, one of the new G-Vegas girls and I will be driving to Greensboro for an award ceremony (some award for North Carolina's athletes, artists, musicians, and writers who are on the verge of a breakthrough) where the two G-Vegas Girls will be presenting one of the awards. Along the way, I'll be reading my Writers' Market, taking notes, and making plans. Since it's a bit of a drive, I'll have plenty of time for all that.

Now that I have a definite plan in mind, I feel a lot better about the direction my life has taken. Like the title of this blog states: "pick any direction, as long as it's forward."