Five Things I've Learned from Porn

1) I don't care what Oprah says, SIZE MATTERS. 2) Sometimes in life, you just have to fake it. 3) "Sloppy seconds" are only questionable to picky people. 4) It doesn't matter what we look like on the outside, we're all pink and horny on the inside. 5) 5 pounds of makeup can't hide 10 years of meth addiction.