The Binge Drinkers' Prayer

Lord protect me from the babbling slurring moron I'm about to become. Watch over me as I slowly destroy my liver, my bank account balance, and my reputation. Allow me to come home with all my clothes on (or at least with) me. And if I hook up with someone ugly, don't let my friends see me leaving with them. In Jose Cuervo's name I drink. Amen.