Dear Uncle Trey Pound: Stressed-out Boyfriend

Dear Uncle Trey Pound:

My girlfriend and I have been having the same argument for months now. We live together, and I’ve been hanging out with her roommate lately. Nothing has happened (and it won’t) between me and the roommate, but my girlfriend is the jealous sort and she’s really bothered by our friendship. I’ve tried to explain to her that it’s just a friendship, but it’s falling on deaf ears. What’s worse, I can’t tell her the real reason I get along so well with her roommate: it’s because my girlfriend is kind of a pill. She’s very negative, and whenever anyone complains, she always has to one-up them. If I complain that my feet hurt, she mentions having hers amputated. I guess she’s always been like that, but it’s really starting to get to me now. How can I get her to change Uncle Trey Pound?

Signed,

Stressed-out Boyfriend

Dear Stressed:

Are you really writing for help, or do you want me to tell you what you already know: that you don’t want to be in this relationship anymore? If you’re looking for a reason to break up, I’m sure the ones you’ve mentioned (jealousy, negativity) are good ones. But if you’re looking to make things work with her, you already know your friendship with her roommate is going to have to end. Or at the very least, you’re going to have to cut back on the amount of time you spend with her for the sake of your relationship. As for your girlfriend, there could be a few reasons she’s such a downer. It could be that she’s had a rough life, or maybe she’s clinically depressed. Either way it’s not going to be easy, but you’ve got to talk to her. She’s not going to read your mind and pick up on your unhappiness, so be honest with her.

Dear Uncle Trey Pound: Working Stiff

Dear Uncle Trey Pound:

I work for a small, privately-owned company. Our owner expects his employees to take on extra responsibility, yet doesn’t want to compensate us for our efforts. We’ve all griped about it, but no one is sure what do, as jobs in our industry are hard to come by these days. No one wants to bite the proverbial hand that feeds us, but it’s getting frustrating Uncle Trey Pound. We’ve been feeling taken for granted, but lately we’ve been feeling taken advantage of which is even worse. Before it seemed like he was just tight with a dime, now it’s more like he’s actively trying to use us.

Signed,

Working Stiff

Dear Stiff:

Yours is a fairly common complaint. Bosses tend to be good at delegating responsibility—that’s usually how they become bosses. But if you’re doing work for which you’re not being compensated, then it’s your responsibility to speak up. You don’t have to have to organize a union, or boycott the company, just sit your boss down and (calmly) share your concerns with him. It’s entirely possible that he’s unaware of the revolt brewing among his minions. If your suspicions are accurate, and he really is taking advantage of your work ethic, then you need to have your exit strategy in place. While there might not be a lot of jobs in your industry available right now, doesn’t sound like you’ll be missing out on too much. Good luck!

Dear Uncle Trey Pound: Roomless Roomie

Dear Uncle Trey Pound:

My roomie's boyfriend is always hanging around our apartment. He doesn't actually live there, but he might as well, since he's always there. He eats our food, washes clothes here, she even keeps men’s toiletries in the bathroom for him. What should I do Uncle Trey Pound?

Signed,

Roomless Roomie

Dear Roomless:

What it sounds like you've got is a boarder who's not paying rent. Casually ask your roommate if her boyfriend will be moving in soon. Since you didn't mention how you actually feel about him, I'm going to assume you have no problem with him personally, just the living situation. Mention how much easier things would be on everyone if someone else was splitting the rent. Be honest with her about how he's eating you out of house and home and it's starting to bother you. Don't let your resentment for the situation turn into resentment for your roommate. Regardless of whether or not this guy stays or goes, you've got to live with your roomie.

To all my new readers...

I just noticed something extraordinary, and I felt so humble that I had to respond. I maintain a fan page for my advice column (Ask Uncle Trey Pound) on facebook. It's a way to stay connected with readers and friends of mine. But just now when I glanced at the list of fans, I noticed something odd... of the 365 "fans" I don't know a good portion of them. That's important since I've been counting on my friends to fill the ranks of my "fans." When I realized that quite a few of the fans are complete strangers to me, I understood that my writing has extended beyond my little circle of friends. Some were friends of friends, but others were seemingly random-ass people that just stumbled upon my fan page. Something in my writing connected with them enough for them to follow the page and keep up with updates. That, frankly, justifies my decision to refer to myself as a "writer." A guy with a lot to say, but no one to say it to, is just a guy with a lot to say. But a guy with a lot to say and someone to speak to--someone to communicate with-- is a writer. I am a writer, and I thank you for making me one.