My best friend is madly in love with a man that everyone is convinced is gay. We don’t have any hard proof (no pun intended) but he’s made some comments that struck us all as odd, plus there are all kinds of rumors about his late-night activities. Uncle Trey Pound, I don’t care one way or another who this guy is sleeping with, but I don’t want my friend to get hurt. What should I do?
Signed,
Friend of a Closet Case
Dear Friend:
Unless you’ve got solid evidence you need to keep your mouth shut. It’s all fine to have your friend’s back, but if you’re just going on rumor and speculation, you run the risk of starting something over nothing. It’s possible that her boyfriend is just the highly sensitive type who’s very in touch with his feminine side. Or he could be a flaming queen who’s waiting for just the right time to come out of the proverbial closet. Either way, it’s really none of your business. If you want to be a good friend, just be prepared to be supportive, no matter how this shakes out.
Dear Uncle Trey Pound:
I just found out that my best friend has been keeping a secret from me. It was nothing to do with me—it’s about a secret relationship she’s been having for several months. At first it didn’t bother me much that she didn’t tell me, but after I thought it over all I could think about is why she wouldn’t have told me. I know it’s petty, but I tell her everything. I share things with her that no one else knows, and I thought our friendship was at a place where we could tell each other anything. Now I find out that apparently she doesn’t trust me enough to tell me things. I find myself questioning our friendship and wondering if we’re really friends at all. What should I do?
Signed,
Out in the Cold
Before you take anything too personally, keep in mind that different friends play different roles in our lives. Sometimes you feel more comfortable spilling embarrassing secrets to one particular friend. It doesn’t mean you love the rest of your friends any less. Whatever her reason, you have to respect the fact that it’s her life and her decision who she turns to for help with that life. If she’s been open and honest with you in all over regards (as far as you know) then there’s no reason to doubt the quality of your friendship. Think of it this way: yeah you share your problems with her, but does she know every aspect of your life? I highly doubt it. Just continue to be a good friend to her, because that’s really all you can do anyway.
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